Happy Friday Ya’ll! Things have been busy around here ( as usual ) and I have a ton of posts that I am dying to get out, but first I thought I’d pop on and do a quick update about our fertility journey since it’s been awhile since I shared.
Things have been pretty quiet on that front for the past couple months. Just a lot of waiting. That’s always the hardest part, right? On one hand, it’s been nice to have time to thoroughly process my emotions. On the other hand, having such a long time to cool off gave room for those feelings of uncertainty to creep back in. These months of recovery have been hard on my body – more so than previous miscarriages and the thought of enduring that again (and again and again, if need be) scared me. For awhile Lee and I began looking into adoption more seriously. It didn’t take long though for us to come to agreement that it’s not the right option for us at this time. As we continued to inch closer to our fertility consultation I started to get nervous that this option would not feel right either. When Emily woke up with a stomach bug the night before our original appointment a couple weeks ago, I was sure it was a sign we were being blocked from this path. Thankfully it was a lot easier to reschedule than I thought it would be and nothing got in the way of yesterdays appointment where we were finally able to meet with the amazing team at Pacific Northwest Fertility and begin our path forward!
The consultation was everything I needed along this journey that I’d wished I had. Sitting in the waiting room, surrounded by women in the same position, as opposed to the the many hours I’ve spent hiding in the corners of OB offices filled with pregnant bellies and families huddled around sonogram pictures, was such a comforting feeling. Every one of the staff members was extremely welcoming and accommodating. They were understanding but not overly sympathetic, and most of all, they were amazingly knowledgable! When I ended up rescheduling after Emily got sick, I had to rebook with a Physicians Assistant rather than the doctor in order to get an appointment within the next 3 months. I was a little apprehensive about whether or not she would be able to answer all of our questions or if this would slow us down on our path forward. Needless to say, she was more than qualified, taking the time to explain what every test was for, how to handle our insurance, and answering all of our questions as they arose!
On our way out the door, she informed us that our doctor has written a book on Recurrent Pregnancy Loss and offered us a free copy (that I plan on doing a review of when I’m done). As I thumbed through the pages on the drive home I couldn’t help but feel like we are where we’re meant to be. Reflecting back on the past couple of years, it is clear that the timing just wasn’t right. If I had taken the plunge and made an appointment to see an RE back in 2016 when it was first suggested, I wouldn’t be here now. We wouldn’t have this amazing team available to us and the decision to proceed with testing would have come at the cost of digging ourselves deeper and deeper into debt. All the years spent trudging through the fog in search of direction – being given the uncomfortable message time after time to ‘just wait’ – seems to have finally broken free to a season of clarity and doors opening.
I am fully aware that this path may or may not result in another child for us, but I am hopeful and I do believe we are moving in the right direction. Right now we are just taking it one step at a time and staying tuned in to doing what feels right. We plan to proceed with testing in April and have a follow up appointment scheduled to go over our results and options with the doctor in May. I want to be as transparent through this process as possible because I think it’s important for the world to see infertility for what it is. It is not just a quick thunderstorm followed by the beautiful promise of a rainbow baby, but a long and winding road that can lead so many different places. It is full of many ups and downs but I believe it ultimately leads us to where we are meant to be.