Infertility, Mindset, Self Care

To the Mama Who Feels Stuck

Hey there mama, are you feeling stuck? I am too. And it’s ok.

I’ve sat down at my computer the past couple of days trying to conjure up a positive, encouraging post. Trying to manipulate the difficult circumstances that are sometimes life, into a lesson of patience, perseverance, or perspective. I’m sure those lessons are buried somewhere beneath the mess, but the truth is, I’m not there yet.

This blog is about being real, and the reality is that sometimes “stuck” is just part of the journey and it’s ok to feel it.

When you find yourself feeling stuck

To give you a little context, my December was hard. Pregnancy, miscarriage, influenza, and pneumonia hit me back to back, leaving me the sickest I have ever felt.

Yes, I feel grateful that my condition is temporary. Yes, I am blessed that a nasty cough and sharp pain in my ribs for weeks on end is the worst of my life’s ailments.

But in spite of that, it has worn me down.

I am sad about not getting to fully enjoy Christmas, New years, or my daughter’s birthday. I am frustrated that our routine has been turned upside down with no end in sight. I am angry that all of my resolutions have been put on hold. I am discouraged by how slow the recovery process is and how much I still cannot do.

When I find myself in these places it’s uncomfortable. Sad, frustrated, angry and discouraged do not feel as good as happy, motivated, joyful and inspired. Often our knee jerk reaction to these feelings is to beat ourselves up – to talk ourselves out of it because someone, somewhere has it worse.

Keeping our struggles in perspective is important, but it’s also essential that we give ourselves permission to let hard things feel hard.

One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever received is to treat yourself like you would treat your children. When I find myself going down the spiral of emotional guilt, I pause, take a breath and imagine myself as a small child and simultaneously as my own mother. I bend down and pick myself up off the floor, tears and all. I give myself a hug and say “It’s ok… It’s ok to be upset. This is hard.”

It may sound odd, but this little visualization helps me to find the inner permission to feel how I’m feeling and move through it instead of frantically trying to claw my way out of it.

Feeling stuck is one of those things that there is just no clawing your way out of. All humans, including (and maybe especially) us mamas, can find ourselves here from time to time. It can be easy to gloss over these hairy details online and pretend that we’ve figured out a way to navigate even life’s most challenging curveballs, but the truth is, that’s not the truth.

The reason I share is because it’s important to know I, nor anyone else, has figured out the secret to life. So as you sit there mindlessly reading this post, feeling stuck yourself, please know that it’s ok to be there and you are not alone.

Until Next Time,

Jess

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